Serendipity

The pitter-patter of rain on my window has always been my most cherished song. I close my eyes so composedly that I fear I may fall asleep instantly. There are colors that whorl through my mind so precipitately, so expeditiously that I feel the shapes taking place, the places, the people, the moments, the nightmares! I am coerced to reopen my eyes. I have no doubt that it has only been seconds since I closed them, yet I feel like I have blacked out for hours. My heart races and my breath hastens into a raspy cacophony. A sense of urgency and fear cling to my skin and bones. The pulse of the rain sooths me once more as I lay on my back.

It is in this moment of pure sanity that I can finally breath and it is with that last calm yet algid breath that thoughts of you crash onto me. The agony in my gut lacerates my insides for just a moment and then a certain vivacity levitates me and I know in that very instant that I'm yours, and I shall always be yours. I look around and see nothing but pure darkness, I can barely make out the shapes around me, my hand reaches out and comes in contact with your yielding warmth. I smile lightly. My timid fingers trace your cheek bones, your lips entrance my eyes for more than a few moments and memories fill the empty spaces of my mind.

It is the moment we met, and although that night is as pronounced in my mind as the pages of my favorite book, the details do not come clearly, I am intoxicated. Your strong arms take hold of my waist and my head fits perfectly into your neck. A smile dances upon my lips and I breath profoundly. Serenity at last. Your easeful and saccharine lips brush swiftly past my cheeks and I intake frigid air. You smile teasingly, you know me all too well, and your effects. I close my eyes again and enjoy the fact that I feel impervious in your stalwart arms. You whisper sweet nothings in my ear and suddenly there is nothing more tonight then what we are, what we always have been. What no one can change. There is nothing left other then our profound sleep and simple serendipity.

Heartache

Today I'm going to show you all another journal entry. This one I wrote about 3 months ago, and I hope you all enjoy it.

Tender hands like the soft falling of leaves caress my face. Sleep fills my eyes and my shoulders droop downward. My eyelids weigh bricks as my head leans foward. The serenity of this embrace sleeps my mind as my head turns, my lips meet his and my eyelids close. Then everything goes black...deep like an abyss.

When light resurfaces to my eyes I remember how sore my body is and the noise in my head crashes painfully as it returns. I turn to the side the embrace is gone and I sigh as I realize my imagination took over my reality once more. No matter at least I slept in peace. My eyes turn towards my phone to see the time. 8am. Two hours, that's how long I had managed to submurge myself in my own subconcious. I try to remember what I dreamt about- all I can remember is darkness. Better that than another nightmare.

I looked at the phone again. No new messages, no missed calls. I close my eyes in pain, the noise doesn't cease. My head thumps terribly. I sigh, how I wish I could fall asleep again. I grab the pill box out of the bedside table and my water bottle. I swallowed and then tears ran down my face as I lay on my back. I felt the lump in my throat, the one that always threatens to burst into screams of hysteria... I bite my lip hard enough to draw blood, but it drowns my anguish and I can remain silent- I must not wake anyone up with silly childish pain.

The medication begins to work and I feel the silence crippling to my mind. My eyelids turn heavy and everything is dark once more.

Images race through my mind. Colors, whirlwinds they are filled with life and pure beauty. But the colors begin to burn my eyes, then everything turns gray. Then it all morphs into a face, the face that belongs to the hands that caress my own face. Oh how I long for that face! To feel my burning lips against your warmth. Pain rips through my veins out through my skin and I wake up with a gasp...

Tender hands really do caress my head. These though, are worn out from decades of work. They smell like onions and spices, they relxax me. My mother.

"Have some breakfast" she tells me in her honey-sweet voice "It heals a broken heart."

-Lee

La Dolce Vita

To be able to feel the wind on our faces, to jump, hop, and laugh with your friends so hard that your cheeks hurt. To run in the rain. To drink wine straight out of the bottle and non-alcoholic cocktails on hot summer days. Crying so that we may feel better and doing something crazy! To hear the birds singing and to feel the sun on your face. To see the sunrise and then the sunset. Kissing in the rain and dancing in the middle of the street. Screaming as loud as possible, knowing how to love and be loved in return. Laying in the middle of nowhere and watching the stars all night long.

Having good conversation and drinking hot chocolate. Saying what we need to say. Forgetting our problems for an instant. Making someone smile. Getting a cute text and trying something new and exotic. Travelling to a far away place and having an adventure without leaving the house. Meeting new people and catching up with old friends. Eating out. Not thinking about tomorrow and having faith.

Kissing that special someone before it's too late....

There are so many amazing things that we almost forget that life is beautiful.

-Lee

Human Rights

Human Rights:

We are all born free and equal.

You have the right not to be discriminated.

You have the right to life.

You have the right not to be enslaved.

You have the right to have protection from torture.

You have rights no matter where you go!
We are all equal before the law.
Your human rights are protected by law.

You have to right to not be detained unfairly.

You have the right to trial.

You have the right to be innocent util proven guilty.

You have the right to privacy.

You have the right to move.

You have the right to seek a safe place to live.

You have the right to a nationality.

You have the right to marry and have a family.

You have the right to your own things.

You have the right to think as you please.

You have the right to express yourself!

You have the right to a public assembly.

You have the right to demcracy.

You have the right to social security.

You have worker's rights!

You have the right to play.

You have the right to food and shelter.

You have the right to an education.

You have the right of copyright.

You have the right to a fair and free world.

You have the right to have responsibility.

No one can take your human rights away.

"Why are you telling me all this?"

"Because you have the right to know"

P.S. Click the tittle of this post to watch an amazing clip about these rights. It takes only a few minutes and it won't hurt you.

Revelations

Sometimes while I am asleep my mind distorts the images of the world I have captured within my soul. It takes them and makes them into beautiful moissaics that can not be explained. Inside each of these wonderful paintings I find intricate words, astound feelings and profound dreams....

In these paintings I can see a young girl, her cheeks are flushed from the cold biting at her round cheeks. Her coat drapes over her small frame and her bonnet covers her deliciously brunnet head. Her ballerina flats tip toe across an open garden and she smiles at the birds that sing through the snow. Her blithe laughter would warm the most algid of hearts.

I see myself in the little girl. The one who dances across the garden she is deep inside me somewhere begging to break lose but I hold on tighter with stalwart force. I must not let her escape for she is synoymous to all that is still human in me. As she touches everything with her gloved hand she melts the snow with a calming agitation. The white of the winter wonderland absconds into nothingness and leaves behind a green, indigenous, and native world.

This one like the last leaves mitigating effects prickiling upon my soft skin. The small girl stops and smells a handful of cardinal gerberas. In that small moment all of the world's happiness is contained in that little girl. The smile that plays upon the girls lips, her closed eyes as she intakes the fresh sweet scent that hipnotyzes her.

Her figure begins to transform, her height amplifies a bit, her hair grows past her shoulders and curls in waves. Her winter clothes transform into a strapless black and white polka-dotted dress. She walks barefoot through the immersed earth, she is happy among the green of the plants and the earthy colors of the canvas where she walks. It is her painting, her world, her distortion of reality. Here she is happy.

She dances to the end of the garden and a mirror arises from deep within the native earth. It is bounded in gold and its shine sparkles the garden like the rising sun. She looks within the mirror...

My reflection bestowes its eyes one me. I am that little girl in the snow, she is me and together we live inside my body fighting for reason or sentiments. I am that girl as she grows, and I know that inside she lives free spirited and reminds me of what humanity should be. She is my inner child and I her carrier, her messenger. She is me and I her...

Life in the garden never lasts very long, the light that shines from the mirror of truth brightens farther and farther until it reaches the end of the garden. It encircles my body and I feel myself detaching from such an entrancing world.

Finally all is dark, I can hear a trifiling beep from far away and brightness suddenly shines upon my eyes. I shut them again, morning came too soon and I wish nothing more than to return to my garden. The beeping does not stop and I dare myself to open my eyes again, this time the light does not harm them and my manicured hand reaches for the off button. I lay in my bed and look up at my ceiling, remembering the small girl, the garden, myself, and this morning.

A familiar smile plays upon my lips as I feel everything is possible and that today will be a good day...

Here Comes the Sun

Turururu

Here comes the sun...

Copyright Leonor Dias 7/31/10

Donatella In Leotards (Part Deux)

Once upon a time....a bit after the last time we picked up on the story...

Princess Donatella from a far away kingdom was left heart-broken by a peasant and confused by life. Normally this is where the author of the fairy tales would cue the Fairy-Godmothers. I, on the other hand, refuse to call up old women who are convinced they can wave a stick around and turn pumpkins into carriages. For crying out loud everyone knows pumpkins make rockets not carriages. Hmphh...Fairy Godmothers need to lay off the wine, if you know what I mean...

Moving on...

Princess Donatella had learned from an early age that if you wanted something done right, then you had to do it yourself. She stared at the mirror in her vanity table. The dark makeup in her eyes was as much alluring and provocative as it was bloodcurdling. Picking up her red lipstick she played it against her soft lips and smiled at the mirror. Her dark curls cascaded down her back and she could see why men would fight to the death for her.

Placing a dark leotard on and slipping open-toed boots onto her feet she smiled. She grabbed a black knee-length leather jacket from the back of her chair and put it on, shaking her hair around. Donatella looked at the night from her window in the top part of the tower of the castle. She smiled provocatively. The night was young and she had work to do.

Grabbing the snowy sheets from her bed she held the end and jumped from her window using the bed sheets as a parachute she landed safely on the ground. She stared around and watched as the guards around her marched in unison watching over the castle in the dark. She fixed her leather jacket and ran swiftly through the gates of castle, slipping past the sleeping guard without a sound.

The journey to the village was not long and as she grabbed hold of a moving vehicle she could feel the adrenaline, the desire, the thirst building up inside her again. As the village light grew brighter Donatella jumped off her ride and hid behind the walls of a stoned house.

Her hazel eyes quickly swept the empty street and moved out onto it. As we walked past the light filled street all that could be heard was the clicking of her heels onto the cobblestones and the swish of her leather jacket against the wind. She was not scared, for she knew no one would recognize her.

She swooped through streets and corners, Donatella did not stop. As she reached her destination she felt the thirst inside grow into pure desire. She smiled brightly at the dark oak door and knocked firmly twice.

The door creaked for a bit before the lock clicked and it swung open, inside was the peasant with tired eyes and nothing but his undergarments. Donatella smiled her lopsided smirk and the peasant gulped. Placing a hand on his chest she pushed him in the door and walked in. She whispered a few words into his ear and just like anyone to whom Donatella talked to, he was swept up by the power of her words.

It wasn't long before the peasant was laying on his back on top of the bed. Donatella swung her legs around his hips and let him kiss her neck then she pinned him back and with a sly smirk she leaned down over him and kissed his lips oh so swiftly...

The peasant looked at Donatella's eyes for a moment, his own bulging in despair. Donatella got up. The peasant strangled on the bed as the poison slipped down his throat and burned in his veins. The princess put her hands to her lips and pulled the clear plastic that had contained the poison away from them. The Peasant convulsed a few times and then...he was no more. All was still as Donatella placed her red lipstick on her lips again. She walked to the peasant and kissed his forehead leaving her mark.

She opened the door of the stone house and the wind swept her hair back. She felt free for a moment. Everyone got what they deserved. And then the heat of the moment died down and she was left alone in a dim lit street in the middle of the night. She looked at her leotard placed a hand over it imagining what had happened just moments ago.

And the thirst built up again...

Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time in a far away land there lived a princess name Donatella, this princess was searched for by all the men in the kingdom for she was as beautiful as they come. Her soft brown spiralling curls cascaded over her shoulders, her petite figure was alluring even under her clothes. But most importantly she had a way of speaking, and once she spoke to you, you could never turn back.

Now Donatella fell in love with a man, a peasant man. He was poor, raggedy, had no where to go but...he was the most beautiful thing anyone had ever seen. The women in the village swooned over him. He had anyone he wanted even without having anything but beauty. Donatella wanted him for herself.

So she went after him and it wasn't long until the poor peasant was in love with her too. They were happy even when really sad. They were together for good and bad. Still the trouble begins like in all fairy tales when the royal family does not accept a peasant in their house.

Now this royal family was much kinder than most, they gave the peasant a chance to prove his worth. But all was not well with this peasant for as much as he loved the Princess he was not good for her. He looked for ways to become rich and they were never the best....but he had plans, but then again he lay them all to rest. The point is comparing Donatella's ambitions to his, he had none.

The royal family supported a Prince that came from a far-away land. They believed he would make the princess happy and would be good to her. Now if this was an ordinary fairytale the prince would be vile and evil and the princess would run away with the peasant and they would live happily ever after.

But this is no ordinary fairytale...

For in this story the peasant (although not a bad person at heart) could not give the princess the love she needed to nurture her. Princesses are like that, they need love and nurturing to grow from little seeds to wonderful, beautiful flowers.

And the Prince of the story? Well he was just lovely, just perfect. He had everything the Princess had always dreamed of in a man. Yet it did not feel right...

There was a new girl in town and the peasant fell in love with her, leaving the princess heart-broken and defiant. She refused to cry or to make him believe he had broken her. The Prince fought hard and true for the Princesses affection, she believed she could have everything with him and at last...she could not give him what he needed.

She could no longer give anyone what they needed. She had lost so much of herself and gained nothing in return, that she no longer had anything to give to anyone. This fairytale does not have a happy ending. It does not involve singing birds, talking trees or Fairy God-Mothers. There is no magic, and no miracles. There is just life...

Life brought Princess Donatella to her knees, and life would help her get revenge one day...

Thoughts That Take Flight

I've been a bit confused out of my mind lately. I think it's time I confess to everything I've been feeling, because if I keep it in for much longer I'm going to explode. Don't ask me why I chose to let out on the internet, or why I would let you all know this. Just let me do it, respect me enough to ration with me, and believe the words I write.

It is 2:23 in the morning and I've been studying for my Geography exams for aproximatelly two hours and thirty minutes. Before that I had a break of two hours, and before that, I had studied Geography for 5 hours straight.

Is it because I'm in love with Geography? No. Is it because I want to get a ridiculously amazing grade? Not really. So what is the reason?

Taking my mind off of things I guess. June has been the most troubling month that has ever occured in my life. My mom has talked to me about my future options and what I really want to do with my future. Which is ok. I understand she did it because she cares about me and wants the best future for me. I thank her for that.

The thing is...it triggered thoughts inside of me that I wished I hadn't had. I wish I had stayed naive and never thought about such things. It started with my boyfriend, I began to see how my future would work out with him, the only surprise was...it wasn't going to. We had virtually no common plans except having a bunch of kids and loving each other. That all seems ok, but "Love and a Shack, is all you need" doesn't really work in reality. Someone needs to provide.

Then I feared I would be the only one providing, but I secretly knew that would not happen. Still he would need a job where he was constantly travelling to be happy, and I wanted to stay in my hometown with my kids in a normal day-to-day basis. I moved enough while I was a kid, thank you very much.

I made one of the most dificult decisions of my life and that was to leave him. I am aware that I'm deeply in love with him. That he has every good, virtuous quality that anyone is capable of having, but I needed to invest in me just this one time. I felt so sick in investing my time, energy, and effort into everyone's benefit and leaving myself behind that I took a plunge now.

I cry all the time, at night when people can't see me. I cry, I try my best to stop teardrops when someone mentions him, when I go to a place where we have a story, when I remember something he did, or said. Sometimes I can and sometimes I can't....and then there are these times, and these are the ones I really look foward to, where I feel really happy for a moment there. I think, my life is amazing and I can have this without him. I think, I made the right choice. I feel good. I'm okay.

And I know that the more I think like this, the more times I'll feel like that small moment. That seems amazing to me. Definitelly something to look foward to.

I don't know really...

I'm scared about my future. Next year I'll have gradutated High School, I'll be moving to a whole different country, with different people, cultures and ways of life (they drive on the other side too). I'll be by myself, I'll have moved out from home, I'll have a new job, new school, new life. All this within just a few weeks. My entire life will change, that seems extremelly frightining.

And when I leave? What if I don't make it in the business that I want. What if I fail at my career? These seem like petty superficial doubts but they do perturb me many times. I don't know what to think. I know in my mind that everything will be okay one way or another, but I also know in my heart how scared I am to take that step...

Don't know...seems like everything is changing right now and too fast for me to get a grip on reality...

xoxo,

Lee

Reflections

I was twelve when I first joined a social network site. It was young, it was illegal and no I didn't do it for the thrills. I was a good twelve year old, but I wanted to fit in, and EVERYONE had a myspace, I couldn't be the only one who didn't.

As I grew older I realized that on these sites there was always the option "Looking For:" and yet the only answers you could fill in were "Friendship, Dating, A realtionship". I remember thinking at the time, why isn't there an option for "nothing".

As I grew older it dawned on me that we are looking for something, always. We're never happy, that's the failure of human kind. As much as we say we're happy, as much as we try to believe that, it isn't true. Now I'm not saying we're all always walking around like we're miserable, that would be an ignorant and idiotic statement. But we're never really content, I mean.

We always want more of what we don't have. We want a relationship, we want friends, we want to fit in, we want to be successfull, we want money, we want love, we want happiness, we want passion, we want adventure, we want, we want, we want. When does it stop.

When does anybody ever admit they have a pretty God damn good life? Does anyone actually reflect on how stupid wanting these things is? I'm not saying give up on dreams or goals, but hell don't sit around talking about how you WANT it?

I think the problem with mankind, is the fact that we create expectations of people, of dreams, of things that are not real. We build this image of this perfect place we want, we would strive for, but we forget that's not reality.

I believe the key to happiness is to see the world for what it truly is. Stop dwelling on senseless issues, face reality. There is no such things as the perfect man you've been dreaming about since you were ten. There is no such thing as the perfect woman that you've been dreaing about since you can remember. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. But there is a man or a woman who can love you to the best of his abilities and try to create a good stable relationship with you.

There is no such thing as a friend who will never disappoint you, but there is such a thing as forgiveness and second chances.

You can chase your dreams, work to be the best, and even try to have better than you have. Indulge yourself in those small temptations and don't be ashamed. Who in this world is so perfect that they can judge on your actions?!?!

Fullfill your responsiblities - yes. See Reality as it is -yes. Indulge into temptation-yes. Do what pleases you- yes. Spend your life wanting what you don't have- pointless.

Now-a-days I look at social networking sites and when I see the option "Looking For" I think, Why aren't there more options?

xoxo

Lee

In a World of My Own...

A little exert from an entry in my journal. Kinda feeling like this today, hope you enjoy...

"...But the right choice is always the hardest right? It shouldn't be like that. Good things should be easy, that way the world would be a better place.

It's hard to believe in a God that would create such a thing as pain. The church would probably argue that God created pain to teach sinners a lesson. I would argue that if God were good and perfect he would know how to create humans so good and wise that they would not sin, They would be created with all lessons learned. There would be no punishment because we were equals with God, we were good in our differences...perfect. It would be perfect.

In a world of my own...

Good choices are very very easy

And it's not so bad."

xoxo

Lee

Desolate

I feel empty and desolate. Like the entire world is crashing down on me, and my lungs are being crushed. Like my blood is being poisened by the hate that this world has endowed on me.

Rage runs through my veins in an absolute coercion. It burns my insides and makes my mind weak. I feel weak, powerless...lost.

Though I don't know why, I have absolutely no idea what it happening to me or why. I have no reason to feel in such an abhorrent manner.

I trully hope it will cease...

xoxo
Lee

As 50 Coisas Mais Belas do Mundo (na minha opiniao)

A Portuguese Post to change a little =)

1. Apaixonar-te.
2. Rir tanto até que as faces doam.
3. Um chuveiro quente num Inverno frio.
4. Um supermercado sem filas nas caixas.
6. Receber correio (pode ser electrónico.....)
7. Conduzir numa estrada linda.
8. Ouvir a nossa música preferida no rádio.
9. Ficar na cama a ouvir a chuva cair lá fora.
10. Toalhas quentes acabadas de serem engomadas...
11. Encontrar a camisola que se quer em saldo a metade do preço.
12. Batido de chocolate (baunilha ou morango).
13. Uma chamada de longa distância.
14. Um banho de espuma.
15. Rir baixinho.
16. Uma boa conversa.
17. A praia.
18. Encontrar uma nota de 20 euros no casaco pendurado desde o último Inverno.
19. Rir-se de si mesmo.
20. Chamadas à meia-noite que duram horas.
21. Correr entre os jactos de água de um aspersor.
22. Rir por nenhuma razão especial.
23. Alguém que te diz que és o máximo.
24. Rir de uma anedota que vem à memória.
25. Amigos.
26. Ouvir acidentalmente alguém dizer bem de nós.
27. Acordar e verificar que ainda há algumas horas para continuar a dormir.
28. O primeiro beijo (ou mesmo o primeiro com novo parceiro).
29. Fazer novos amigos ou passar o tempo com os velhos.
30. Brincar com um cachorrinho.
31. Haver alguém a mexer-te no cabelo.
32. Belos sonhos.
33. Chocolate quente.
34. Fazer-se à estrada com os amigos.
35. Balancear-se num balancé.
36. Embrulhar presentes sob a árvore de Natal comendo chocolates e bebendo a
bebida favorita.
37. Letra de canções na capa do CD para podermos cantá-las sem nos sentirmos
estúpidos.
38. Ir a um bom concerto.(go to a good concert)
39. Trocar um olhar com um belo/a desconhecido/a.
40. Ganhar um jogo renhido.
41. Fazer bolachas de chocolate.
42. Receber de amigos biscoitos feitos em casa.
43. Passar tempo com amigos íntimos.
44. Ver o sorriso e ouvir as gargalhadas dos amigos.
45. Andar de mão dada com quem gostamos.
46. Encontrar por acaso um velho amigo e ver que algumas coisas( boas ou
más) nunca mudam.
47. Patinar sem cair.
48. Observar o contentamento de alguem que está a abrir um presente que lhe
ofereceste.
49. Ver o nascer do sol.
50. Levantar-se da cama todas as manhãs e agradecer outro belo dia.


Amigos são anjos que nos levantam pelos pés quando as nossas asas não
conseguem lembrar de como se voa.


xoxo
Lee

Forgive and Live

Things aren't always bright. They won't always make you smile. Won't always make you happy. No. They will knock you down, make you furious. They will bring tears to your eyes and make you lose all hope. Because growing up is hard. But good things fall apart, so better ones can fall together. And even though you can't always see the light at the end of the tunnel, have no doubt...It is waiting for you at the very end. You must get hurt in order to learn, and forgive in order to live.

xoxo
Lee